I thought it would be a perfect topic to discuss for mental health month. Confidence. Always had a love-hate relationship with confidence. I always knew I was good enough, but I did not always feel like it. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew I was a beautiful person, but in some situations.... being surrounded by people that were different from me, I did not feel like I could compete. It was never really anything anyone said to me. It was always in between the lines. The assumption. Deception. and the lies.

It is tough to deal with. Especially when I preferred to pretend like it was not a problem. I would always put on a phony facade like everything was okay. The number one reason my dreams and aspirations have been on/off because I just did not feel qualified.

Stop sewing.

Wasn't motivated.

Didn't do anything productive for my business.

Stopped writing blogs for a year and a half.

I did not feel like I was helping anyone including myself. My Engagement was at an all-time low, and I am pretty sure no one really knew.

I was down, and I am so glad I took the time to feel all that pain. I have learned so much about myself. I experienced where I got my confidence from and the only way I could get it back. My sense of style has always been my confidence. I can honestly say that my purpose is connected with fashion because I genuinely feel like I can conquer the world. The way I want to promote fashion can help other people in so many aspects. Today's trends are all about looks, and I agree that your demeanor is significant, but not in the form we are promoting today. I feel like we have to be more genuine with truly accepting our looks. We say we are open to being different, but that includes embracing our genetics, DNA, and history.

I gotta be 100 when I say I would never get work done on my body. Last year I had jaw surgery, which can be considered a major procedure. It was done in a hospital, I went under anesthesia, all the risks and recovery included. Afterward, I went from an underbite to straight

teeth, but the healing has taught me the most. First and foremost, it reminded me of the small comments from middle school that subconsciously made me hate my smile. Second, I realize it is a long-term investment. I am broke. and complications can happen. (P.S. the feeling on one side of my mouth goes numb once and a while.... side effects) Third, I became more

judgmental of people with not-so-perfect teeth. I didn't like how I was thinking, and it was like chillout Markia everyone does not need braces/perfect teeth. You JUST got nice teeth, so watch yourself.

Back to the point though, in that instance, I realized I was caring about the wrong thing. My goal now is to look at myself and really fall in love with me for me. Could I have more ASSets? Sure. However, I no longer care to try to fit in. No cap, I use to do squats, etc... because I felt like that’s what society, guys, fill in the blank wanted... but I am NO gym lover. I started to change my lifestyle and just eat better. Not dieting to lose weight but to live longer. Forget having a coke bottle physique cause ain’t nobody in my family got one. It ain’t in my genetics. I am shifting my focus on finding what makes me happy. Paying attention to my skin, and how I actually do not have acne-prone skin, but my breakouts are mainly from stress.

I learned when I get dressed up and feel reaaaaal cute.... you can’t tell me, Nathaniel. When I KNOW I look good, everyone around does too.

My confidence in fashion is being true to me. I always wanted to be outside the box when it came to dressing. I would search for hours for random pieces from different brands. I used to be afraid to try outfits or things that were cute to me because of judgment, but why not give people something to talk about.

The more energy I put into myself the more I realize how many people struggle with the same issue. So although I do not get many blog views now, I hope that I can reach one person, and help them. I have plans to create a permanent confidence campaign for my brand within the next two years. I hope to change how we currently view fashion cause FashionNova ain't it (P.S. yes I hate that company LMFAO.)

Until next month !